EFT helps to:
EFT has been validated by 20 years of empirical research and is approved by the American Psychology Association. These research studies found that 70 to 75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% showed significant improvements. EFT’s original focus was on couples, but it has expanded to individuals and families.
The First Stage
When our most important relationships are not close, secure, and dependable we will experience emotional distress. Our intense emotions drive patterns that can actually push us further away from each other. In Stage One you will start to understand these patterns and connect with your deeper emotions and needs. You will start to recognize that the problem is not you or your partner but the negative pattern that has taken you over. EFT uses the ‘here and now’ experience of the session to access and use these emotions to change your interactions and negative patterns into more connected, loving ones.
The Second Stage
You are taught to shift from your current pattern to healthier patterns of connection. Generally, you will be working on either staying engaged or softening your approach. You will be assisted to express your needs and wants from a less defensive stance and to express the deeper needs that are not being fulfilled.
The Third Stage
You will now apply your new patterns of communication to unresolved issues. You will practice you new ways of communicating and connecting. Strategies will be reviewed so you can use them in the future and not revert back to your unhealthy, destructive ways.
According to the Gottman Method, in lasting relationships, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have summarized the essential components of a healthy relationship into what they call the Sound Relationship House.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy helps partners:
6. Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favourably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavourably with real or imagined others.